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"Long Way to Fall "Written By: Emerald Pillow Disclaimer: I don't own GW or their boys, wish
I did. Warnings: Angst, language, lemon Pairings: 1x3 Summary: Trowa discovers he holds feelings for his partner Heero but when he tells his lover so Heero disappears. Unsure of his future, Trowa becomes distractes and falls from the high wire. Rating: NC 17
"Long Way to Fall "
Trowa relaxed against the wall as he ran his fingers through Heero's hair. It felt so good, he wanted to cum right now, but he didn't want it to end. He looked through lowered lashes at the Japanese man. He could tell by actions that Heero was no stranger to this, and it pleased Trowa, on many levels. Trowa moaned as Heero's fingers found what they were searching for. "Fuck me." Trowa whispered, tired of waiting. His request found deaf ears, for Heero refused to start any sooner than he wanted. "Heero, please." Not yet. He wasn't ready. He slid his fingers from Trowa, knowing they were part of the reason for his rush. Trowa gripped the wall, wanting nothing more than to feel his lover inside, and Heero's stubbornness was only making that desire grow. Normally a patient man, Trowa crumbled every time Heero touched him. He watched helplessly as Heero seem to slow his pace, making Trowa want to cry for an unknown reason. This was, perhaps, the only time he could remember Heero being so cruel to him. Finally, he stopped and pulled away enough so he could fully view Trowa's still erect penis. He licked his dry lips and gripped the moist manhood in his right hand. "Cum for me." He demanded without looking at Trowa. "Cum as much as you want me." "No one could cum that much." "Humor me." He tighten his grip and began pumping. Trowa did the only thing he could; he released and hoped it was enough to satisfy Heero's want. Heero continued to caress Trowa, even after limping. He stared at the semen in his hand and chuckled. "That's it?" Trowa closed his eyes in aggravation. Normally, he would play along, but this time, he wanted Heero too badly to be playful. It had been far too long since the last time they seen each other. "Six months apart and that's how horny you get just from a blow job?" It was an informative tone, not angry, not scorning or accusing, just informing. Pushing to his feet, his blue eyes locked to green. A scowl of disappointment made Trowa wonder if he would go through with his plans. He grabbed the back of Trowa's neck with his unsoiled hand, and brought the Latin's face close to his own. His scowl turned into a smirk, and Trowa realized he would be rewarded. As to seal the silent promise, Heero covered Trowa's mouth with his own. Trowa melted. It was strange how he felt nothing until he began getting sexual with Heero. He welcomed Heero's tongue into his mouth. Without thinking, or warning, he grabbed the front of Heero's tight jeans. Even Heero wasn't really expecting it. He pulled away for a brief moment to smile. He then slid his soiled fingers into Trowa again, caressing him as he had before. He lightly ran the tip of his nose along Trowa's neck, allowing his slow hot breathing to push the taller man even further into passion. "Damnit Heero, stop teasing me." "But it's fun." "Just take me." "Why?" "Because I need you?" "Need?" Heero chuckled. "You don't need me. . .you just want me." Trowa didn't respond. He wasn't even sure if it was need or want. "How many people have you fucked in the last six months?" "None." "Don't lie." "I'm not." "You haven't slept with anyone?" Trowa knew this tone. Heero always used it when he was 100% sure about something he knew someone was lying about. "You know I won't get angry if you tell me the truth." Eight years. This is how long scenes like this had been happening. Every time their paths cross, a similar scenario played. It was always in secret, no one, not even Catherine, knew of their meetings. Though they stayed sexually active with one another, sleeping with other people never posed a problem. "No." "Man or woman?" "No." Heero studied Trowa's features. They plainly stated he was telling the truth. Aside, he couldn't remember a time Trowa lied to him. Somehow, though, he was finding it hard to believe that Trowa would go so long without sex. That would explain his lack of patience this time around. The Latin always viewed sex as just actions, no different than blinking. Why would he wait so long for Heero again? Strangely enough, hearing this made Heero even more anxious. He wasted no more time in pulling Trowa over to the vanity. He positioned his lover how he wanted him, and pulled on a condom. Using the semen on his hand as lube, he re entered. Trowa leaned forward slightly, as he felt what he wanted sliding inside him. To add to Heero's pleasure, he clenched himself onto each returning invasion. Heero's soiled hand slid along Trowa's waist, around his thigh and gripped his slightly swaying balls. "Heero. . ." Trowa gasped, bringing the Japanese man to face Trowa's reflection. Seeing Trowa's features forced him to realize that this time was different. He had watched Trowa during sex before, and this wasn't like the other times. He wasn't sure how, why, or what caused the change. Could it be possible that Trowa somehow developed feelings for him? If so, how'd it happen when he was away for so long? Though is mind was working to understand what had happened, his body was habitually pleasing Trowa. Trowa opened his eyes to find Heero's reflection staring at him. It was sort of creepy. Something in his eyes reminded Trowa of the look Heero had given him when he first woke from his coma. They were confused, as if trying to figure out Trowa's objectives. Finally, Heero released into his protection and rested against Trowa's back. He laid his forehead on Trowa's shoulder and allowed his fingers to run his lover's manhood. "Hey?" "Hn?" "Did you mean what you said?. . .that you haven't slept with anyone since me?" "I would never lie to you." "Why?" "I've no reason to-" "I mean, why didn't you?" Trowa bowed his head and stared at the makeup on the vanity. How could he answer? What was Heero wanting to hear? How upset would he be if he didn't hear what he wanted? "Honestly?. . .I don't know." "What?" "I don't know why. . .I just didn't crave it as I normally do." "Are you starting to develop feelings for me Trowa?" "I don't feel anything until you fuck me." That said, Trowa pushed from Heero's hold and headed for the bathroom to escape. Heero closed his eyes while removing his condom. Trowa's answer came a little too quickly. Either he has been thinking about it for quite some time and didn't want Heero to know; or he was just saying what he believed Heero wanted to hear. Trowa leaned against the closed door as his tears fell. At first, he didn't even realize he was crying until he caught his reflection in the mirror. The last time he cried was when he destroyed Deathscythe. He reached up to wipe his tears, but they didn't stop. "Heero. . .what the hell are you doing to me?"
"What time is it?" "Three fifty-seven." Trowa was aghast. Despite the fact that he and Heero stayed up until five in the morning, having sex, he thought for sure that he would still be able to get up in time to start his chores. No doubt, Catherine took care of his share that morning. "Sorry." "It's okay. I only forgive you because Heero was in town. I know you guys really don't see that much of each other. You should probably let him know that he can come back after the show sometimes." Little did she know that he always came back. Sighing, he looked to his right, where Heero had been laying last night. It was the first time he had ever left and not say anything to Trowa. "Is he coming by again today?" Catherine continued and sat next to Trowa's legs. "Don't know." "Don't you guys ever make plans?" "Not really." "Well, I hope I get a chance to actually talk to him this time." "You usually nag at him for one reason or another." Catherine laughed and turned to face him. Seeing his downcast features, she instantly forgot what she was originally going to say. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "You seem different." Trowa looked up at her in confusion. "Different?" "Yeah, you know, like a boy that just lost his virginity." "NH." "I don't mean that specifically, but something like that." Trowa stared at her a moment before he pushed from bed and Catherine began snickering. Curious, Trowa looked over his shoulder at her. "What?" "I'm sorry. I just. . .I honestly thought that only girls sleep in big shirts that barely cover." She wouldn't know. Usually, Trowa was up before her. Aside, he only slept in them when Heero was near; otherwise, he slept in his jeans. Trowa couldn't remember a time they were both completely naked for sex. Heero didn't bother since he normally left soon after. Turning on the shower, he adjusted the temperature, and slipped in. Heero's words immediately found his thoughts. Are you starting to develop feelings for me? Was he? According to movies and books, people are suppose to show symptoms when they start caring. Things as not being able to stop thinking of the person. Trowa didn't really suffer from that. Every once in a while, he wondered when he would see Heero, but not on a daily basis. . .but when he learned that Heero was near, he would think more about him. Then there was the tingling sensations upon contact with a person. Heero didn't really touch Trowa unless they were having sex. That doesn't really count. Everyone experiences some kind of tingling during sex; despite emotions. His heart never skipped beats, pulse was always normal, and seeing Heero never stole his breath. Kissing, on the other hand, was a different matter. When ever Heero's mouth was over his, everything changed. His body just came to life. He never knew a man that could kiss him the way Heero could, let the truth be known, Heero could probably cause Trowa to masturbate just by kissing him. Lack of these symptoms would mean he wasn't in love with Heero. . .wouldn't it? Then again, it's different for everyone. If he wasn't starting to feel something, then why was sex with someone else not appealing to him any longer? Why wouldn't he look at another man the way he could Heero? Love? No. Just over reacting. . .or maybe growing up. Still, he couldn't really explain it to Heero. Are you developing feelings for me? Was that the reason he left without saying anything? He doesn't want Trowa to start caring for him? Wouldn't that be a good thing though? Trowa stepped from the shower and dried off. He wrapped the towel around his waste and stood before the medicine cabinet. His original intentions were to brush his teeth, but he found himself staring at his own reflection. Why did thinking of these questions bring about tears?
"What's wrong Trowa?" She whispered softly while her violet eyes focused on him. Trowa inhaled deeply and tried to clear his mind. All he had left was the finale; a series of backward hand stands across the length of wire. The rest of his act was easy and he could do it in his sleep. This part, he had to seriously concentrate, and he couldn't as long as he continued thinking about Heero. Strangely enough, he had been thinking about the Japanese man all day. It bothered him that his friend left without saying anything. He wasn't sure why it bothered him, but it did, and he wondered if Heero was angered at him for some reason. Pushing the thoughts away, he took a few steps back for his running start. So what if Heero was mad at him? It wasn't like he mattered or anything. It was just sex, nothing more. Heero could easily find someone else. Tears burned his eyes as he started his finale. He tried to look pass them to prevent from missing the wire. He couldn't fall. Catherine would never stop crying. . .Heero. . .would Heero even care? This thought caused his left arm, which was supporting him at the time, to weaken and buckle. Thankfully, it held enough strength to complete the hand stand, placing him near the center. It was that instant that he felt his whole body shaking. What happened? Why'd he feel so weak all of a sudden? It didn't matter, he had to finish the rest. To prevent placing too much strain on one hand, he alternated the rest of the way. Somehow, he managed to make the distance to safety. The audience burst into applaud, but Trowa couldn't stand to accept it. The instant he was on wider ground, he collapsed to his knees. Heero wasn't even there. He never missed Trowa's performance, when he was around. What had he done wrong? "Trowa?" He didn't bother to look up at Catherine's approach. His eyes were glued to the audience below. Why didn't he come? Catherine kneeled next to her brother and cupped his face in either her hands. "Trowa, are you okay? What happened out there? Trowa, talk to me." Though she was forcing his face to focus on her, his eyes moved back to the crowd. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly, not to her, but to Heero, wherever he was. Catherine pulled him into an embrace that he didn't return, and his tears spilled.
Standing at the base, she looked up at her friend, thinking about last night. He had actually cried. It was the first time she had ever witnessed the act. Perhaps it was a sign of his softening. . .or his breaking. Pushing these thoughts aside, she waited for him to reach safety before speaking. "Trowa, lunch will be ready soon. You should come down." She called through cupped hands. Trowa didn't answer. He merely stared at her a moment before declining. He then, started into his routine. Catherine watched from her spot. She couldn't help but notice something was different, just like last night. Normally, Trowa would have fun on the high wire. His flips were amazing, and he took his time to show off each one. Now, he wasn't putting as much emphasize on them. They weren't as high or graceful to his standards. It was as if he was rushing through them. His objective wasn't to 'wow' the crowd, but to make it completely across without mistakes. As this thought ran through Catherine's head, Trowa slipped while trying to land on his left hand. He missed grabbing the wire by an inch, and plummeted to the net below. Concern filled her violet eyes as she ran over to her brother. "Trowa, are you all right?" Trowa stared at the wire above him. He missed. The first time in his life, he missed the wire. . .why? He laid still on the net, staring unblinkingly at the wire. What happened? "Trowa, you're bleeding." She was right. He hadn't noticed while falling that the wire scrapped his face, but now he was aware of the sting. He numbly reached up to wipe his face. The blood stained his flesh in a smeared line down the back of his hand. Why was this happening? Sure, he was a little distraught over Heero's actions, or lack there of, but this was ridiculous. "Catherine. . .this stays between us." He whispered softly and maneuvered from the net. "Trowa, what's happening to you?" "Promise me that you'll tell no one what just happened." "Trowa-" "Promise me." Catherine stared into Trowa's face, wanting to decline, but she knew she couldn't if she wanted to keep Trowa's trust. "Only if you use a net until whatever is wrong is solved." He had a feeling she would do this. The crowd came to see a confident man do things that others couldn't, without fear, or a net. Not a pansy amateur that could fall at anytime. "If I agree to that, then everyone will know something's wrong." "I refuse to let you go out there, risking the chance of being killed." Would it be a bad thing? Being dead? At least he wouldn't have to worry about this, Catherine, or Heero. "I'll handle it. Just keep quiet about it." That said, he left the tent. He was close to crying again. Closing his eyes, he scorned himself for being so weak. Why was he even thinking of crying? It never helps. It didn't help last night. He still felt horrible, and Heero was still MIA It didn't improve his act, in fact, Trowa began wondering if it worsen it. Shaking the thought from his head, he opened his eyes in time for a pair of arms to wrap around his waist and pull him behind a crate. Before he could fully understand the person that did this, a pair of lips claimed his own, and roaming hands limitlessly ran his body. It took him a moment to realize that it was Cameron. The red head was a cleaner. Obviously, he finished cleaning the elephants early today and was wanting to seek Trowa's companionship again. "You were incredible last night." He cooed and allowed his hands to slide up Trowa's shirt. Trowa only stared silently. He hadn't noticed, just as no one else except for Catherine. This only depressed him more, and he removed the hands from his shirt. "Trowa, what's wrong? I thought maybe we could-" "I'm not in the mood." He called back and walked away. That much was true. He hadn't been hard all day. . .that was unusual for him. He figured that it was because of his dissatisfaction of last night's act. That, and trying to understand Heero's disappearance. Though he wouldn't fully admit it yet, that was the main reason. He numbly made his way back to his trailer. His chores were done for the day, and he wouldn't have to start getting ready for his act for several more hours. He stood at the doorway a moment, half expecting Heero to already be there, or to step from the bathroom, but that didn't happen. He even checked the closet, knowing that Heero had hidden there a couple of times just to launch a surprise attack, but only clothes were inside. Closing the door, he walked over to his bed and laid down. He closed his eyes and attempted to convince himself that he wasn't disappointed in the fact that Heero wasn't there. He just wished he could talk to him for a moment to learn if it was something he had done wrong or not.
"Are you still feeling ill?" Manager asked as he appeared behind Trowa and stood close enough so that no one else would realized that the older man was rubbing his star's backside. "Why is there a net?" "Catherine said that you weren't feeling well, so we're taking precautions." Shaking his head, Trowa turned around to face his boss. "Get rid of it." His emeralds took on a harsh stare, and Manager suddenly became confused. "I'm fine, now have them take it down." "Trowa." They turned to find Catherine approaching quickly. "Trowa, I just don't want anything to happen to you." "I trusted you Catherine." "Don't be upset with me, please. I don't want to see you hurt." "It's too late for that. Take down the net, or I won't perform tonight, at all." He stated while shooting a meaningful look toward Manager. Catching the meaning behind that, Manager motioned for the hands to remove the net. Tears burned Catherine's eyes and Trowa turned from them so that he couldn't see. Her tears stopped him before, but not this time. He climbed toward the high wire platform. His little demand sealed his second performance, once everyone else would be asleep. He wasn't looking forward to it, but it was the only way he could be assured to get his way. If he were to die from falling, he rather have it that way than become old. Despite himself, he looked down at the crowd after reaching his destination. Not too surprising, Heero wasn't there again. Trowa tore his gaze from them and returned his attention to the wire. Let him stay away, if that's what he wanted. It wasn't like Trowa was anything more to him than a 'hit and run'. Are you starting to develop feelings for me Trowa? Trowa pushed the thought away. So what if he was? Obviously, it didn't matter to him. At that moment, his cue came to start his routine. There was no hesitation on his part as he dashed onto the high wire to begin. His mind was rampant of thoughts of the Japanese man, and he just allowed them to flow. Catherine cupped her hands together in silent prayers for Trowa's safety. She knew that when he started that something still wasn't right with the Latin. Her fear came to life as Trowa slipped. However, unlike that morning, he had been able to catch the wire before falling. He effortlessly flipped himself back up and took a moment to regain his balance. "He's off tonight." Catherine turned around to find Heero standing next to her. Her violet eyes widen as she stared at his profile. "He fell this morning." Heero looked over at her. "What?" "He was practicing this morning, and missed the wire completely. . .and last night. . .something isn't right with him Heero, and he won't talk to me." "I think I might know what's going on. . .I'll take care of it." Catherine's eyes widen in hope. "Thank you Heero." He lifted his blue eyes back to his lover. So leaving Trowa for a couple of days with his thoughts definitely did something to him; though Heero hadn't expected this type of reaction. At that moment, the crowd gasp in shock. Trowa missed the wire again, only this time, he couldn't save himself. "Oh my god, Trowa!" Trowa stared at the distancing wire. All he could think about was Heero. From the instant the gundam pilot stepped from his cockpit to self destruct to the strong man that made love to him two nights ago. Tears welled in Trowa's eyes, and all he wished for was to see him one last time. Heero pushed to a run. His blue eyes focused on Trowa's descending body. He couldn't let it end like this. He only just found him; and Trowa had yet to understand. He pushed pass the stage hands that were too stunned to react, and hopped over the ring. He wasn't entirely too late as he reached out to wrap his left arm around Trowa's shoulders. The impact of his body landing harshly against the single arm caused something to break. Heero ignored the pain and snaked his arm around Trowa's waist. He then pulled the Latin as close to him as possible as they tumbled to the ground together against the hard ground. The crowd grew deathly silent, as two men ran from off stage to tend to the star. Heero slowly opened his eyes and stared into Trowa's face. Somehow, the performer had hit his head, for now a stream of blood coursed from under his hair. Heero's heart stopped. He was well aware of his own injuries, but the fact that Trowa had yet to open his eyes made him fear. "Trowa?" He called softly and reached to check for a pulse. He shouldn't have left him. He should have just stayed with him as he originally planned. At that moment, the two men were at their side. While one tended to Trowa, the other was asking Heero if he was okay. Heero didn't respond, as his eyes were glued to Trowa. He would never be okay if Trowa wasn't.
"Heero?" Slowly, cobalts opened and lifted toward Trowa. A smile pressed Heero's lips and he reached with his uncast arm to pull Trowa next to him. "Shh." He cooed softly while stroking Trowa's hair, bandages and all. "Just rest now." "What happened to your arm?" "A circus performer fell on it." Trowa looked at his own arm, which was only wrapped tightly, compared to Heero's cast. "You saved me." He whispered softly, and Heero sighed. "Now I only owe you one." "Why?" Heero sighed and closed his eyes at this question. Maybe now was the best time. "Because I. . .I refuse to let you die before you find out how you feel about me." Trowa raised to look into his face. "You don't have to say anything right now in response to that. I understand that you don't get it just yet. . .I didn't at first either. That's why I haven't been around the last couple of days. I wanted you to think about the seed that I planted in your head. I just didn't think you'd end up nearly getting killed over it." "Heero, I-" He placed his index finger over Trowa's lips and brought him close for a kiss. "Which is why when my arm and leg heal, I'll be the new feeder around here. After all, I have to make sure you don't do something stupid like this again."
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